The Young Baroness

She tried to find the exit sign but oh, there was no sign of it, anywhere. She expected to be sure and reassured but oh, it was all for naught. He knew her all too well and, while she might have eluded others, he could see right through her veiled secrets. She was so tired of never letting go, it had been a long year since she had last put her head on the pillows to actually get some sleep.

She wondered if he was just a hallucination caused by the lack of sleep but again, she knew it was for naught because he was all too real. She screamed and ran trying to get out but there was nowhere to go – trapped in a daydream inside her own mind, alone with him.

Lord listen to love, she is losing life, the alliteration of all the things she won’t, wouldn’t and didn’t.
She won’t listen, she wouldn’t love and she didn’t live. And for this we are all forever afflicted.

Gloom

I remember when I was young, I’d enjoy the nights doing my geeky activities, reading books until my eyes couldn’t stay open… and, as much as I don’t miss those times I find myself currently stuck in a rather terrifying situation. The nights I once loved for the silence and peace now come back to haunt me… they remind me of how alone I am, of how far everyone is, of how much I miss being hugged or having someone care for me. They truly make me realize that I’m all by myself and… I am afraid. Afraid of knowing that I can have a great future, afraid of not accomplishing it, afraid of so much, having so little.
Gosh… I miss human contact… I’m stuck in this block of concrete, within 4 walls that know all my secrets, my bed is a mess, my mind is clear. I know what is wrong and yet, I go and just write a song.
On the other hand, I don’t want to sleep. My dreams have been… beautiful, as of late, and as much as it shouldn’t, it is scary that I wake up and want to go back to the dream, live it instead of the reality that surrounds me. Is my life that dull? Is the lack of female companionship that great? Is the lack of laughs so overwhelming? Is the loneliness so terrible? Yes, it is.
I try a Placebo, but that is no cure…and The Cure is not working. The girl? The girl was never there. And I’m lost in a forest.

Memóir

The weird part in all of it is that, despite the lack of lights and the lack of windows, the room was as bright as it could have been. Children laughter filled it up, writting tales on the walls, tales of all things fantastic. They built a world in that room, lit by the dim twilight and heart’s desires. They knew something new was starting, they just didn’t know what.
They knew why though and, maybe, that is all that matters. They knew why. Love carried their hearts with wings, not making them prisioners, but making them… attached, knowing that there was a place on God’s green Earth for them – a place where they were accepted and could be themselves; kids, playing around in a room.

Today I stand here staring at the crumbling walls of that old room, can’t help but fill a sense of doom and gloom. Doesn’t feel like home anymore, the peeling paint makes our drawings torn, shreded mementos of our long lost home. God… this place brings so much memories to mind, it is almost as if my body was imersed in a daydream…
I hear the circus drums as they parade through the main avenue, the song echoes in my heart and plays my strings, I smile and I see her eyes smile back.
A kiss.

Lost such a long time ago, where she is now, I don’t know.
Wish I knew, but she became a mere memory.
God knows I’ve been forgetting things lately.
How can I find someone else when I don’t know myself?
This is all I have, fragments of a life long gone, sometimes it feels as if it even was not my own, I mean, how can it be mine if I don’t recall the events, if I can’t claim ownership on past acts?
I guess I’m stuck daydreaming, I wish I was stuck living.